Yesterday (Wednesday), hubby told me that they were in fact coming home that night and not staying the rest of the week out of town. Most women, with four children at home, who have been on their own since Monday morning at 5am, would rejoice. Jump for joy. Shout from the mountain tops that their hubby would be home...aka...someone to help them get to bed tonight...the battle will not be four against one, but four against TWO and nearly an equal and fair fight!!
Not this mom. This mom seen that I hadn't had time to vacuum the whole house yet, the floors weren't swept, both bathrooms needed to be deep cleaned, I was a MESS. It was nearly 1pm and there was so much do to still. I broke down, got the 40$ I had made selling my baby's newborn and 0-3M clothing (which killed me to do by the way) and started a search for someone to come help me clean the house.
I found someone, lovely lady. Her first name is Melissa, I won't give her last name away. Kind eyes. Soft voice. The kind of lady who you know cherishes her loved ones, just by saying "hello". That woman CLEANED. She even reorganized. She made my dining room more functionable. She was well worth every cent for her services.
Hubby got home finally, just as I was finishing up supper for him (brown rice, corn and steak). He walked in but didn't really comment on how clean the house was. He asked me how much I spent. Who the hell cares? It was money we won't miss because we wouldn't have normally had it. I needed it...I needed help. I was honestly hoping he would come home and be happy...instead he was indifferent. It figures though, men don't get it. It took so much for me to seek help...the house wasn't even bad...it just needed some deep cleaning. My house is always tidy.
Although I am still a bit upset at hubby's reaction (I wasn't hoping for him to come home and be all smiles and "wow"ed...but...come on), I realize something.
Who cares how messy the house was when he got home? If he thought it was a mess, he could easily help clean it up. It wasn't late when he got in (615pm).
Then I get it...I was seeking approval and compliments on a good job...because of my stupid post partum depression. I was seeking attention when I felt I desperately needed it from being drained over the course of three days as a mom on her own with her four children.
The satisfaction of a clean house was no longer enough for me, as it used to be. I used to marvel in a clean house, freshly washed floors with the calming scent of an all purpose cleaner that I knew I spent too much money on (That Mr Clean stuff...the lavender one...sometimes I feel like that bottle is my mistress...).
After all of this...I've decided that once a month, I will do this again. Next time I will bring the kids to the park, leave her here to do her thing, and come home to a clean house. No one ever tells you how precious a very clean house is after you have children...a clean house isn't for when people come over, to impress someone else, it is for your own mental health when you have children.
This is what I will remember the next time I feel like I just need the help. That is isn't for anyone else, it is for me and if I don't get the "atta boy" it's okay. It's for me. And that's okay!!
Not this mom. This mom seen that I hadn't had time to vacuum the whole house yet, the floors weren't swept, both bathrooms needed to be deep cleaned, I was a MESS. It was nearly 1pm and there was so much do to still. I broke down, got the 40$ I had made selling my baby's newborn and 0-3M clothing (which killed me to do by the way) and started a search for someone to come help me clean the house.
I found someone, lovely lady. Her first name is Melissa, I won't give her last name away. Kind eyes. Soft voice. The kind of lady who you know cherishes her loved ones, just by saying "hello". That woman CLEANED. She even reorganized. She made my dining room more functionable. She was well worth every cent for her services.
Hubby got home finally, just as I was finishing up supper for him (brown rice, corn and steak). He walked in but didn't really comment on how clean the house was. He asked me how much I spent. Who the hell cares? It was money we won't miss because we wouldn't have normally had it. I needed it...I needed help. I was honestly hoping he would come home and be happy...instead he was indifferent. It figures though, men don't get it. It took so much for me to seek help...the house wasn't even bad...it just needed some deep cleaning. My house is always tidy.
Although I am still a bit upset at hubby's reaction (I wasn't hoping for him to come home and be all smiles and "wow"ed...but...come on), I realize something.
Who cares how messy the house was when he got home? If he thought it was a mess, he could easily help clean it up. It wasn't late when he got in (615pm).
Then I get it...I was seeking approval and compliments on a good job...because of my stupid post partum depression. I was seeking attention when I felt I desperately needed it from being drained over the course of three days as a mom on her own with her four children.
The satisfaction of a clean house was no longer enough for me, as it used to be. I used to marvel in a clean house, freshly washed floors with the calming scent of an all purpose cleaner that I knew I spent too much money on (That Mr Clean stuff...the lavender one...sometimes I feel like that bottle is my mistress...).
After all of this...I've decided that once a month, I will do this again. Next time I will bring the kids to the park, leave her here to do her thing, and come home to a clean house. No one ever tells you how precious a very clean house is after you have children...a clean house isn't for when people come over, to impress someone else, it is for your own mental health when you have children.
This is what I will remember the next time I feel like I just need the help. That is isn't for anyone else, it is for me and if I don't get the "atta boy" it's okay. It's for me. And that's okay!!
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